What’s wrong with some of you internet searching people? Seriously? Following is a list of actual (translates to unaltered) search terms that have landed people on this blog in the past week. (hey Mom, if you’re reading this, cycle on through to the next entry ):

• women pee standing up
• guys and dicks
• pee when its cold
• two dicks in one booty (shut my face! )
• toys grownups top 2007
• american women are bitches
• what to do when your sexually deprived
• should men pee standing up?
• 3sum
• pictures of pee standing women
• sexualy deprived older men
• adam and eve pee.
• sperm farm
• men are dicks
• guy butt cheeks pictures
• how do you pee (do you really need instructions on this?)
  
• elfen sex (Santa would be so upset)
• woman love dicks
• are men bitches?
• domesticating chipmunks (yeah, threw that one in for good measure to see if you’re still following along)
• (here’s a 2-for-1) women’s dicks having sex, and women who have dicks (women have dicks? really?)
• men and there dicks (what, are they pets?)
• i love when you pee (new Hallmark card greeting?)
• men with small dicks having sex with women (calling Danny Bonaduce)
• stuff you can do with pee (oh, that’s just disgusting!)
• how to pass out using aleve
• seat puddles
• “start the lawnmower” (okay, please tell me this is a literal reference or dance and not some slang innuendo)

Now, based on these search terms and the fact that they landed somewhere in this blog - while honored that you’re increasing my stats - is a little disconcerting. Seems pee, bitches, and dicks are fascinating to the broad audience of the world wide web.

It’s a sick, sick world out there.

Nick (scrunching his face): Shit! Drinking warm Rockstar is like drinking warm cat piss. yyukk!
Moi: Really? And how do you know what warm cat piss tastes like?
Nick: From the smell. Whatever it smells like is what it tastes like, too.
Moi (mildly amused): You don’t say.
Nick: Yeah. (pointing to his nose and winking) Smell equals taste.
Moi (snickering): Okay, if you say so.

Hey Nick, just keep these immortal words in mind when you get older…
“Tastes like chicken.”

Speaking of tastes like chicken - totally reminds me of a phone call from several years back.

I get bored easily.

I start out with great excitement and drive to tackle a new challenge or project, and dive in head-first. But if I can’t finish it within a day or so, 3/4’s of the way through, I find I start to lose interest. In that case, I’ll:

1. wrap it up with less enthusiasm than when it began,
2. shift to a new project and leave the previous one to tackle at a later time, or
3. never finish it at all.

I wish I understood why. It bothers the crap out of me, too. I have so many different projects going on; each in various stages of completion. It probably speaks to the current state of disarray which is my life. I don’t know.

The latest example: the other night I mentioned that I wanted to take up painting or sculpture again. Gar was both shocked and excited.

Back in the day, I was the eclectic artsy one - scribbling and dabbling in some medium or another - be it pencil, paint, or clay (my favorite). Being a perfectionist, I’d spend hours upon hours working on drawings or sculptures and, even then, usually wasn’t satisfied with the results.

So far this week, Nick has managed to kill his 3-month old Pantech Duo phone. And U2 iPod that, coincidentally, had just received a new battery AND hard drive. And - in a fit of frustration - render his 6-month old laptop unusable. And, it’s only Thursday.

Still on the hitlist for potential destruction, though, are: his new HD flatscreen TV and Xbox 360. Being that it’s not been a good week, he’s slightly hesitant about using either. Go figure!

When asked what can he do for entertainment, I suggested twiddle his thumbs. Or count tiles on the bathroom floor. Possibly knock out the cobwebs in his bedroom.

Remove the dead carcasses that were insects living under his bed…

Well, I looked at the laptop to see if I could fix it (cause I’m geeky that way, and - it is part of my daytime job ). Seems he jammed the left click on the touchpad, making it impossible to use - even with a mouse. Do I feel like dismantling the laptop to unstick it? Not so much.

So, after Nick’s brief tirade aimed at me because I wasn’t willing to dismantle and repair, I handed it back to him, unfixed.  He then, in typical 17-year-old rebellion, grabbed it, and sauntered off to his room to fix it himself.

Stubbornness won’t fix it - but good luck anyway.

[update: Apparently, through a stroke of genius pure luck, Nick was able to unstick the stuck key and is happily entrenched in internetland. Guess the dead carcasses will be around a while longer.]