I’ve blogged about this song before, but just found the best live version of it (granted the video/audio quality aren’t the greatest. sorry). This song is powerful in that it best describes our society - as a whole - and the collective frame of mind when it comes to the plights of others - both home and abroad. Out of sight - out of mind as it were. I’m not gonna lie - I’m guilty of it, and peg myself in that category, too.

Here’s the video - amazing performance.  The song is Seek Up.  The band is Dave Matthews Band. The date - July, 2001 @ Saratoga Springs.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=ekJO0honXs0[/youtube]


Watch and listen, and share your thoughts.

Life’s journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well-preserved body,
But rather to skid in sideways totally worn out shouting - ‘Holy Shit - What a Ride!’” (unknown)

Whoa, boy - this is gonna be tough. I said I’d never do this. But I’ve had a recent change of heart. Hang with me, please -I’m going for the condensed version here.

I’ve been seeing a lot of my fellow bloggers in a state of overwhelm and trying to reclaim control of their personal lives. Herein, I open the locked door to my inner turmoil and how I’ve managed to deal with it.

For those who don’t know, besides Nick, I also have a son who’s in his mid-20s - “JC.” I’ve not had any communication with JC since he was 14 years old. It eats me up every day, but slowly, I’ve come to terms with it. For my sanity, I had to. I hoped for a long time that, as he grew into adulthood, JC’d seek me out. That hasn’t happened. I’ve been assured he’s healthy and happy, which gives me some small comfort. Not much, but some.

When JC was three, his father and I split up. When he was 4, I realized I couldn’t raise him on my own, and gave custody to my ex and his parents, who could provide all of the necessary things - and stability - that I couldn’t. I recognized my shortcomings and made the gutwrenching decision to put JC’s welfare ahead of my own satisfaction. But the day I gave him to my ex is etched into my eternal memory - to see and hear JC crying out “please don’t go mommy.” The cliche “hindsight is 20/20″ never rang so true as when I made that choice. Having had my heart ripped out, my life almost ended.

At first, everything was okay. My ex and I were quite civil towards one another. I had unlimited visitation and got to spend as much time with JC as I wanted. Shortly thereafter, everything began to unravel.

My ex remarried the second time and the happy little family decided JC didn’t need his biological mother. Bitter court battles and broken promises resulted in parental alienation. On top of that, I was having my own set of problems with my family, and had isolated myself from them, turning instead to reckless abandonment - going out drinking and clubbing with friends, partaking in illegal substances, waking up in places that weren’t my home.

[audio:blurry.mp3]

On Memorial Day in 1987, I said f*ck it - I can’t take it anymore. My whole world was crashing down on me. So I downed a bottle of Halcion and a bottle of mepergan with a bottle of Amaretto. Surprisingly, hours later I woke up in the emergency room to find my mother and sister by my side. The fact that I woke up pissed me off; the fact that the first words out of my sister’s mouth pissed me off even more -

Throughout life, we have events and circumstances that alter the course of our existence. Some are good, some are bad. The good ones keep us propelled in the right direction, always striving for the next great adventure and happy moment. The misfortunes become lessons learned.

When you start to feel like your life has no meaning - remember this…

(click picture above to view the full size image)

Cheers!