Need a good laugh?  I do.  Then I remembered a video I saw not too long ago.  Remember the e-trade baby? Here it is from the Dad’s point of view.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=tvFefAefBdQ[/youtube]


Now, let’s all go take our incentive checks and buy some useless stock that will become merely toilet paper to wipe our ass sometime down the road.  Yee-haw!

Do y’all remember the guy who was trying to sell his ex-wife’s wedding dress on eBay several years back? He became known as The “wedding dress guy,” and changed the way eBay ads were written. Here’s the original ad he ran (verbatim as he had it listed):

For Sale: One Slightly Used Size 12 Wedding Gown. Only worn twice: Once at the wedding and once for these pictures.
Make: Victoria
Style: 611
Size: 12

Divorce forces sale

I found my ex-wife’s wedding dress in the attic when I moved. She took the $4000 engagement ring but left the dress. I was actually going to have a dress burning party when the divorce became final, but my sister talked me out of it. She said, “That’s such a gorgeous dress. Some lucky girl would be glad to have it. You should sell it on EBay. At least get something back for it.” So, this is what I’m doing. I’m selling it hoping to get enough money for maybe a couple of Mariners tickets and some beer. This dress cost me $1200 that my drunken sot of an ex-father-in-law swore up and down he would pay for but didn’t so I got stuck with the bill. Luckily I only got stuck with his daughter for 5 years. Thank the Lord we didn’t have kids. If they would have turned out like her or her family I would have slit my wrists. Anyway, it’s a really nice dress as you can see in the pictures. Personally, I think it looks like a $1200 shower curtain, but what do I know about this. We tried taking pictures of this lovely white garment but it didn’t look right on the hanger as you can see, so my sister says, “You need a model.” Well, quite frankly my sister isn’t exactly small, (like a size 12 is?) so she wouldn’t pose for the picture. Seeing as I have sworn off women for the time being and I ain’t friends with any, it left me holding the bag. I took the liberty of blacking out my face - not to protect the ex-wife but to protect me from my bar buddies and co-workers finding out about it. I would never live it down. Actually I didn’t think my head would fit in the neck hole, but then I figured she got her Texas cheerleader hair through there I could get my head in it. Though, after looking at the pictures, I thought it made me look fat. How do you women wear this crap? I only had to walk 3 feet and I tripped twice. Don’t worry ladies - I am wearing clothes on underneath it. I gotta say it did make me feel very pretty. So if it can make me feel pretty, it can make you feel pretty, especially on the most important day of your life, right? Anyway, I was told to say it has a train and a veil and all kinds of shiny beady things. I think it’s funny that one picture makes it look like the chest plate off an Imperial Storm Trooper. Did I mention that all I want is a ball game and beer? Cheap at twice the price. Ladies, you won’t regret this. You may regret the dude you marry but not the dress.

Just a little side note - As I was putting this ad in EBay, it asked me for a color. Is a wedding dress any other freaking color than white or ivory??!! If it is it wouldn’t be a wedding dress, now would it?? I suppose black would work…

[audio:clipwitewedding.mp3]

As a working mom, during the week, I’m lucky if I see Nick for more than 20-30 minutes each morning. Neither of us are morning people, and really shouldn’t associate with each other until noon. So the time I do see him usually consists of:

• did you eat?
• got lunch money?
• want a ride to school? (our town does not bus the kids to school - it’s only a 10-15 minute walk for him)
• please empty the dishwasher and take out the trash when you get home (or some other household chore).

Every weekend, we go eat at this great little diner tucked away in a strip shopping center. Almost as soon as we’re seated, our awesome waitress - “M” - is there - at the ready - with orange juice, coffee and cokes. I really don’t even have to place my order - she knows exactly what I want - egg beaters, home fries with onions and peppers, and wheat toast. Sometimes bacon, or Taylor ham.

Oh, and a side of spicy brown mustard for the eggs. If you’re thinking - ewww! try it - you’ll be surprised. Just one packet mixed in - yummm!

Are you getting hungry for some breakfast food?

Nick, on the other hand - alternates between Spanish omelettes and Taylor ham, egg and cheese sandwiches. The growing teen that he is (17, going on 18 in October), he can choke down more food in less time than I do in an entire day. At least he’s eating. As a mom, that makes me quite happy.

While we eat breakfast, we talk about how the week’s been - what Nick’s been up to, and what’s coming up for the next week. It’s a great way to stay in tune with his life.

Most of the time we laugh (because Nick has that entertaining charm I speak of so often). But sometimes we argue, mostly over stupid stuff. Especially if I have a camera on-hand and I’m trying to take his picture (like this one). And, we come up with ideas on how to spend the weekend.

This is one of the things I truly look forward to each week - breakfast with Nick. And I’m going to continue enjoying them for as long as I can.

Love you buddy. ♥

To get your Monday off with a giggle, here’s something I received in an email that had me laughing…

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men — he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women — she loved to browse.

One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. Walmart cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,’Code 3 in Housewares - get on it right away.’

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.