March 17, 2008

Recently faced with the daunting task of having to show my face in court for the myriad of tickets recently received, I thought I would share my experience with the masses. I knew I was screwed from the get go, so instead of suffering through it, I just let it roll.

Now, keep in mind a couple things. Numero Uno. In rural farmland NY where I live (and ultimately received tickets from the same Jethro each time), the court meets once a month and it is for everything, civil cases, traffic court, felonies, you name it. So I was a little surprised to see the whole Judge’s Bench and the two tables, one for the defender and the other for the prosecutor. Not being the first time I’d been in traffic court, most of the time you sat across the desk from the Justice, commenting on how nice her new teeth looked. This was just a tad bit different.

Numero Dos. It was sooooo quiet in there you could hear a pin drop, because everyone wanted to hear what the person was being tried for and the whole story telling going on. That way Frank could go home and tell his wife, Betty Sue, that Bubba was going to jail for throwing his trash in the private dumpsters out back the Piggly Wiggly (an actual case I got to sit through .. although he didn’t really go to jail).

Here’s the set up. I had four tickets: one for speeding 20 miles over the speed limit, one for speeding 14 miles over the limit, one for driving on a suspended license, and one for a ticket I had received in October of 2005 that I didn’t even know was still outstanding.

Ok, so below is some of the dialog.

Judge: Ms Brown (that would be me, btw) it appears you have some lead in your foot.
Me: Yes sir, I’ve been trying to get that fixed but no luck so far.

Judge: Ms. Brown, can you explain why you were driving 20 miles over the speed limit?
Me: Well, your honor (I’m so polite), I had just opened the mail at the last red light and saw that my kids racked up an $850 cell phone bill and my daughter just got three F’s on her report card (this was true as well) and I was screaming at her as we were cruising down the street. My foot was as excited as I was I suppose.

Judge: Ms. Brown I see you received all these tickets from the same officer, Officer Donahue. It would appear he has it out for you.
Me: Yes sir, the last time he stopped me, he offered to give me some jewelry and give me a ride in the back seat of his trooper.

Judge: You mean you have been pulled over again since?
Me: Yes your honor (as I sheepishly look down at the ground)
Judge: What for this time?
Me: Expired state inspection sticker, Sir (don’t ever forget to call a judge sir)
Judge: Ms. Brown, do you have a problem with authority?

All of a sudden, my cell phone (which I was told to turn off when I entered the courtroom) started vibrating in my pocket. Now, I could have done what any person does when they pass gas and don’t want anyone else to know it was them: look around and see who the culprit was. But, oh no, not thinking, I instinctively put my hand down in my jacket pocket to silence the sound.

Judge: Ms. Brown would that be YOUR phone ringing?

Me: Yes Sir, I thought I had turned it off. It has a mind of its own, your honor. Ask anyone, it turns itself on all by itself and calls people out of the blue all the time.

The end result? The judge had mercy on me and sent my case to the DA for reduction to lessen my points and fines. Now, I have to see him next week and hopefully, won’t have a problem with authority. In the meantime, the judge gave me a pink get out of jail card so the next time I get pulled over by Officer Donahue, at least I won’t have to take up on his offer for that ride in the back seat.

If you enjoyed this story, please subscribe to the full RSS feed. You can also have it delivered straight to your mailbox. For something different, mosey over to eScapes and check out dKaye's take on life through photos.

|  Printable version | Posted in poli-socio rants, reflections, that which amuses me | Tags: authority, life, poli-socio rants, ponder, reflections, society, that which amuses me.