March 8, 2008

Over the years, Nick has provided me - and my friends and colleagues - with a wealth of amusement and entertainment. Much of it at his own expense. Yesterday, we were reliving some of the highlights:

Nick (with a sense of urgency in his voice): Mom? Mom - I ate a berry that I saw on a tree. Am I gonna die?”
Moi: Gee, Nick - I don’t know. Why would you do it in the first place if you weren’t sure.
Nick: I dunno. I was curious.
Moi: Next time, don’t be so curious.

——

Nick (with a sense of urgency in his voice): Mom? Mom - there’s a naked lady on my computer. What do I do? What do I do?
Moi: Reboot Nick, reboot!

——

Nick (with a sense of urgency in his voice): Mom? Mom - there’s something stuck in my nose and I can’t get it out. Am I gonna die?
Moi: What is it Nick?
Nick: I dunno.

(After much questioning, he admitted to having stuck the tip of a mechanical pencil up his nose.)

Moi: Well, how’d it get there?
Nick: I was trying to get a boogie.

That’s just gross!

——-

Nick (with a sense of urgency in his voice): Mom? Mom - the wind is blowing really hard out. Am I gonna die?
Moi: No Nick, but step away from the windows and stop looking outside.

I guess I should mention that Nick went through 2 years of therapy for his wind phobia. Looking back, it was pretty funny watching him (he probably wouldn’t think so, and it wasn’t so funny at the time - it was hellish!). All he had to do was see a leaf move and it set off a panic attack. We tried to convince him that his farts had more wind than the wind outside. No luck. We even put him in little league for a year thinking that would help. WRONG! Nick stood in the outfield - petrified - watching the wind blow around him. Needless to say, he didn’t play much. I told everyone I was going to sign him up for track, stick a bigass fan behind him and yell - run Forrest run! Guarantee you - he’d be the first one to cross the finish line and look for shelter.

Anyway, you get the idea. Each call had a sense of urgency on his end.

I just knew, as he got a little older, I was gonna get *that* one phone call …

Nick (whispering with a great sense of urgency in his voice): Mom? Mom - there’s this white stuff coming out of - well, you know where. Am I gonna die?

Welllll, sad to say, I never got that call. And me and the girls kinda feel cheated - we were so looking forward to that one, too. Wonder if his dad got the call instead?

See, our kids do have a purpose in life (besides torturing their parents). Entertainment!

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