February 27, 2008

I don’t know what made me think about it, but I woke up this morning with a memory of something that happened a while back and it made me laugh all over again. I will somehow try to convey it in my morning message.

Things that are OK to keep on your beside table:

• A lamp so you can see when you hear things go bump in the night
• A book or two … the current copy of Cosmopolitan is on mine, right underneath the book I’m reading, “Too Good To Leave, Too Bad to Stay”
• A bottle of water - just in case you want to stick someone’s finger in it to see their reaction
• Your glasses - so you can see the alarm clock in the morning or the number on your cell phone when it rings at 3AM
• Some eyedrops - because heaven knows when you might feel the need to lubricate your eyes while they’re closed
• breath mints … you never know when you’ll get lucky early in the morning hours and who wants to kiss a fungus mouth?

Ok, those were some things to keep.

Here are some things you may want to put away before slipping off into nodsville:

Any open bottles of liquor so they don’t get spilled while you try to turn the lights on after you hear that bump in the night or allow your cat (who’s crawling over everything you own while you sleep) to get drunk without you

• The Kama Sutra that you’ve been studying - what will your kids and mother think anyway?
• Your personal journal of all your fierce and wicked thoughts that are hand written and not put online for everyone else to gasp about
• the video camera so your bf/gf won’t get any wild ideas which may end up online for everyone to gasp about
• AND … your KY heated massage oil … hahahaha

Why is it that I find the last one so funny? Glad you asked and I’d be more than happy to share that answer with you. It’s the reason I got my morning laugh today.

My ex, may he rest miserably in the arms of some other poor unsuspecting woman, awoke in the wee hours one night. All of a sudden he was jumping up and down, swearing like a banchee, turning lights on everywhere. Groggily waking up and wondering what in the hell was going on, I soon discovered his misery.

As he reached for his eye drops in the dark, he inadvertently grabbed the bottle of KY instead.

I wished I could have helped him with his eye orgasm, but I was laughing too hard rolling around on the floor.

I’m thinking about writing a letter to Johnson & Johnson letting them know they should add a warning on the back of their bottle:

Warning: Sex will make you blind if not used according to directions.

Happy Hump Day Guys and Gals!

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|  Printable version | Posted in camodi, that which amuses me | Tags: camodi, goodies, ponder, relationships, that which amuses me.