February 26, 2008

My day started out like any other day when you have the stomach flu … puking, nauseous, dizzy … but after a nice cold glass of sprite and a few crackers, I was on the road to recovery. I am invincible … I am woman … hear me roar … meow.

However, not letting that get me down, I go about my day. Watch the news, see we’re under yet another winter weather watch for the next three days. Do some laundry, eliminate the ten piles down to eight. Put the dogs out. Put the dogs out. Put the dogs out. (They like to go out a lot, can you tell?) Go to the doctor to get something for this miserable stomach flu. And THAT’s when the REAL fun began.

Precede this with a little unknown fact. I hate paying traffic tickets. Yeah, I get them ALL the time, my foot has way too much lead in it. But in NY, they just send you a bill, ONE time. You don’t pay it, that’s the only notice you get. Three hundred once. Two hundred and eighty the next. Yeah right. File Thirteen. Well it caught up to me two weeks ago when I got pulled over and the Boy In Blue (hereinafter referred to as BIB) informed me I had three outstanding and unpaid fines and my license was suspended.

After getting a Tony award (thank you, thank you all) for my show of utter surprise that I had these, he gave me yet another speeding ticket and another ticket for aggravated driving on a suspended license. And he let me drive away. Well guess what? Guess who I saw yesterday? Yep, THE BIB.

As I’m driving home, I pass a copper. I’m way under the speed limit and minding my P’s and Q’s for a change, but for some reason I see him turning around in the middle of the street and low and behold, the lights are flashing in my rear view window. I pull over with one of those WTF attitudes. And then I see him. My BIB, the one that gave me the ticket the last time for driving on that suspended license. I know I’m in deep deep kimchee. He walks up to the car and the first thing out of my mouth is “Oh Shit, it’s you!” Ok, maybe not the best thing to say to THE BIB, but I’m all about first reactions. He recognizes me and interrogates me about why the hell am I driving when I’m not supposed to … have I taken care of those tickets yet .. did you know your inspection sticker had expired … etc etc etc. I look at him with puppy dog eyes and beg for forgiveness. He says to me “you know I could cuff you and throw you in the back seat of my car” … I take this as my opening. I wiggle my eyebrows at him and smile that sheepish little grin and say “oh really?”

I think I saw my BIB blush. He kind of stammered around a few more minutes, shifting in his step, and told me to get out of there. I didn’t hesitate to take this offer and left very slowly, stepping on my brakes twice to acknowledge my deep appreciation. My daughter, sitting next to me, said that was just wrong. I chuckled, knowing that one day, she’d use that same card herself.

Ahhh, it’s great to be a woman with the ability to wiggle … eyebrows and other things when necessary. I think today I’ll go and do a good deed … pay all my tickets. That way, the next time I see my BIB, I can pull him over and wiggle more than just my eyebrows in his direction, and know that if I get cuffed, it won’t be jail where I’m headed!

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