February 16, 2008

I think it’s safe to say that going away for a weekend has its cost. The weekend itself and the problems that await you when you get home. It never fails that something, at least in my house, happens every single time I go away. I’m convinced that I should lock myself in and say screw it to my own life so I don’t have to deal with the shit when I come home.

I’m packing up the house, trading in the Jeep for a Porsche, going to a plastic surgeon so I can get a double D boob job, to my stylist to dye my hair platinum blonde, and I’m outta here.

This trip was no different. After a four hour delay, thanks to US Scareways, I finally arrive back in Syracuse at 9:30pm. It is a frigid -7 with 35mph wind gusts and all I want to do is get in my car and head home. The roads appear to be clear, the skies are clear, and I think I’ll be ok to drive my Mustang back home (first mistake of the weekend .. taking the Mustang). My cell phone is dead, so I stop at a roadside phone and call home to let the kiddos know I’m on my way. I get the message that my son is on the way to get me, he doesn’t want me driving home in the bad weather further north. I repark the car in the airport garage, where it still remains, and go find him.

As I’m walking up, I see the look on his face that already fills me with all kinds of ominous thoughts. He explains to me that on the way to pick me up, he was sideswiped by another car, all it did was knock the drivers side mirror off the car, and the other guy didn’t stop. I always give my kids the benefit of the doubt, but damn, this was hard. However, I let it go and didn’t say anything. I walk to the garage to find my brand new Jeep Commander scarred and disfigured. I’m feeling pretty freaking sad at this point. I know Tyler feels bad, so I keep my comments to myself.

We head home. It’s an hour and a half from my house to Syracuse, and Ty-man wants to drive. You go for it is what I say. As we’re driving, I’m wondering why in the hell I didn’t drive. The roads appear to be fine, I could’ve done this, while figuring out how I’m going to get back to the airport to get my ’stang. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, we are in the midst of the Tug Valley whiteout. I hate that area of the interstate. It totally sucks. It’s like the fucking Bermuda Triangle of the North. Winds have picked up, snow coming down hard, blowing everywhere. Visibility is practically nil. Being a passenger is never easy for me in situations like that and I’m on the edge of my seat, trying not to say anything. I decide to video it instead, just to keep my mind occupied. Click on the video below:

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=28093397

Five minutes after turning the camera off, visibility got worse. We couldn’t see jack shit in front of us. Out of nowhere, a car came up alongside of us on the right side of the road, and smack in front of us was a car that had just stopped altogether. Yep, you guessed it. Crash. One car went one way, one went another, and us? We ended up in the guardrail, entrenched in a snowbank. What to do was the question. Here we were in the middle of a blizzard, not a cop or a snowplow out on the roads. All three vehicles slowly find a way to get out of the situations we found ourselves in. Cars are drivable and 911 says sorry - you’re on your own, come in and fill out a “civilian report” tomorrow. WTF???? It’s good to know someone has our back. Next time they call for their phone solicitation, I’ll tell them where they can stick their police ball tickets.

Fortunately, after another hour of driving, not being able to see, we make it home. The front bumper and driver’s side wheel well is cracked and the side of the car is gauged and smacked in from the guard rail, forget the fact that the car’s alignment is totally shot and wants to keep going to the right. Now I get to spend the day after my long weekend on the phone talking to fucking insurance adjusters from Texas that won’t understand why NY’s finest wouldn’t come out and do a police report in the middle of a fucking blizzard. I’m so thrilled.

So, that’s why I have decided to move to the Bahamas. I’m packing up the house, trading in the Jeep for a Porsche, going to a plastic surgeon so I can get a double D boob job, to my stylist to dye my hair platinum blonde, and I’m outta here. Anyone who doesn’t like it can kiss my pasty NY shiny white ass!

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