February 16, 2008

Don’t know what made me think about this. But, several years back, I read about a woman who, despite the strong warnings from her doctor, decided to go bungy-jumping 6 weeks after having had a boob job. Upon being launched by a giant rubber band, she dropped fiercely down, while the silicone implants popped fiercely out. Being the sick, twisted, perverted people that we are in my office, it was decided that we needed to hold a contest to see who come up with the best joke relating to this poor woman’s daring act of stupidity.

Jenn and I brainstormed and devised an exceptional plan involving a visual display depicting dumb blondes and boobiness.

The setting. Our office had a second floor that overlooked the arboretum below where, coincidentally, the conference room was situated. We procured a set of external silicone breast enhancers. Jenn was going to lean over the balcony where they would ‘accidentally’ pop out of her shirt and land smack dab in the middle of the conference table during a management meeting.

It was a great plan, and we would’ve carried it out had one of the VPs (let’s call him Joe) strongly advised us that it wouldn’t be a good career move.

Shit.

More brainstorming. After throwing ideas back and forth, we settled on a 2-dimensional cardboard Barbie. Jenn and I set to work on our devious plan. And when we were through, we stood back and admired our genius and handiwork.

Now, it should be stated here that we had no advance warning that Joe had a client coming in for a meeting!

When Joe and his client opened the door that morning, the scene that awaited them was priceless. We had cut out a cardboard Barbie silhouette, including slits in the chest area, fashioned a halter top and skirt out of post-its, and attached Barbie to a strand of rubber bands. Then we suspended Barbie from Joe’s ceiling. Remember the external boobs? There they were. Strategically placed - one on the coffee-stained chair (how convenient), and the other on his desk.

Joe walked in slightly embarrassed (the red face was a dead giveaway), and cast a backwards glance at us. Oh well, we knew what would be coming later on. Meanwhile, the client thought it was pretty damned funny.

Fast forward about 3 years. We were chatting with the President one day, and the boobies came up in conversation and how funny it had been. We told him the whole story. His comment? Not a good career move? That’d move you right to the top!

Who knew? Oh, and - we won the contest. The next best thing was a lame joke Joe had concocted. Hmm - sounds fishy, don’t it.

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