December 6, 2007

Do you remember Janice from Friends? Well, apparently her twin was shopping at Target the other day. We heard her before we saw her. “Ohhhh!…”

Gary and I looked at each other in disbelief. No, she wasn’t going to say it. Gar laughed and uttered, “Oh! my! God!”

Then we hear ‘Janice’ (very loudly) exclaiming - “Oh! … my! … God!” Not once, but a couple of times even!

And then we saw her. She could’ve passed for Janice wearing a blond wig. Had a cellphone glued to her ear, and was mindlessly pushing a cart very much intent on the conversation she and the caller were engaged in, and oblivious that we were mocking her.

We escaped Janice and were strolling down another aisle. Next thing we hear is a little boy proclaiming, “Daddy, I think I can fly. Watch.”

“Gar, I have to blog these. They’re just too good to resist.”

No sooner did I get the words out of my mouth, we hear a little voice state, “Mommy, I just farted.” “Well, don’t tell anyone,” the Mommy said.

Just the day before, we had been out shopping - again for decorations. After having had enough of the obstacle course that the store had become, we made our way to the checkout. Gar had his cart, I had mine, and the lanes were backed up. Over to the side, I spied a cashier who didn’t have a backed up line and, with blinders on, I was dead set on getting there before anyone else.

Gar and Nick cut me off at the pass, though, by ramming their cart into mine. That jolted me back to reality.

“That was really rude, you asshole!” I yelled out. Everyone stopped to see what the ruckus was. Realizing there was no blood or fight, they went back to their purchases. Gar and Nick were rolling laughing. Yeah, not so funny guys!

Meanwhile, I continued on down to the cashier - who now didn’t have anyone in his lane. “You are open?” I inquire. “Yes, I am.” I then commented that some crazy fool had tried to run me over with his cart. The cashier just laughed. Sure it wasn’t the first or last time that would happen this season.

A little later, I’m through with the checkout and, having caught up with Nick and Gar, are walking in the parking lot. “Hey Mom, you’d better fill up the broom!” Nick sarcastically tells me as we near our truck. The man next to us looked at him, laughed and told Nick, “Oh man, you’re asking for trouble!”

I just glared at Nick. “Don’t give up your day job, son. You can’t afford the rent.”

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